The one about the jazz shoes

God always provides. I wholeheartedly believe that. My life has been full of ups and downs, but even during the hardest times, me and my daughter never went without. Not a single day. Once I started believing that, I also started seeing it. The blows would come one after another: a car break down, debt that I never signed up for but am still liable for (thanks ex-husband!), to be topped off by a frivolous lawsuit (courtesy of the same ex-husband). But, once I was able to master pausing just for a few moments (or a few days), I could see that the blows were followed by an unexpected windfall: a client calling with an urgent job they are willing to pay double for covering the exact amount I needed. It happened so often and so consistently, that I no longer marveled at it. I no longer doubted. Instead, I waited for the money to hit my bank account.

God always provides. Sometimes in the way of brand new jazz shoes. I started dancing ballet at four years old and after a twenty-ish year hiatus, I resumed classes at my alma mater at 39 years old. In the absence of an adult class of a certain level, I train with 15 year old kids. They encouraged this quiet, focused grandma who is surprisingly skilled at pointes, but is unable to remember any of the exercises (ever!) to perform four dances in the next show: ballet, pointes, modern dance and... all that jazz! Now, I own several point shoes (shout out to Gaynor Minden!), footies and the perfect socks for modern dance (you know, worn enough to be comfy, but not enough to loose traction), but no jazz shoes. Haven't worn them in twenty five years. Coincidentally (or not) on the day I agreed to perform all of the choreographies, these brand-new-looking jazz shoes appeared on the lost and found box. Just like that: poof! One of the dancers told me to grab them as we would probably need them for the show. I didn't. The next class they were still there. The dancer checked and confirmed they were my size, but I said it would be a shame if I took them and some kid got scolded for it. The following class the shoes were still there. The dancer wondered why nobody snatched them up as they were brand new. I just shrugged. That evening during class, the teacher asked everyone to don their shoes and I was the only one who did not own a pair. The dancer again said that I should take them and the whole class agreed. So I went and put them on. They fit like a glove.

God always provides. And usually immediately. However, you need to be willing to receive. The jazz shoes made me wonder how often I might have rejected God's blessing, simply because my eyes were veiled or I was otherwise misguided. The jazz shoe incident might also be another way that God provided for me. An invitation to remove my veils and truly see.

God always provides. And you know what else I wholeheartedly believe? That if something is meant for you, no way you're gonna miss the opportunity. Even if you are blind, scared or somehow unwilling or unable to take the opportunity, it always circles back around. It took me weeks to adopt the jazz shoes, but they were there waiting for me. Probably the jazz shoes have many more life lessons that I haven't even grasped. But I believe. I trust.

God always provides and I trust to receive.